This piece is part of my 2016–2026 archive migration. Some original formatting, content, and external links may be missing, changed, or not be optimized.
Relationships do one of two things to you: Elevate or Disintegrate
Relationships take significant work. They will fail if you’re not willing to invest the time and energy into them. Even if the relationship is a priority to one party but not the other, most likely, it will die. My career has always been my number one priority throughout my 20s, so I’ve been unable to settle in and prioritize any romantic involvement completely. I have no regrets about putting my career first. It’s kept me on the precise path I intend to ride.
Make a list of everything you desire to have in a partner. List out your top 10 values. Use this list to guide you when considering a more serious relationship; it will spare you much wasteful drama, energy, and effort. I always keep a list. If I compromise on my list, it’s because it’s an in-the-meantime situation that adds more positivity than negativity to my life. There is nothing wrong with in-the-meantime relationships – especially if both parties are aware of this element. It’s okay to love people that don’t align with your values, but it doesn’t mean you need to be with them forever.
Get comfortable letting people go. You’re not meant to be in a relationship with every person you love or fall in love with. You’re also not meant to be life-long friends with every person you share a friendship with. Some people are meant to be short experiences. Be okay with this, and don’t try to tow everyone along. You got to keep your pantry organized and cleaned. You always want to ensure you carry the right ingredients, never anything expired or foods that no longer digest well in your body. It’s the same with people. Sometimes relationships reach their expiration date. Be okay with this.
Sometimes you need to be in a relationship to determine what you want. We don’t always know ourselves or what we desire. Being in a relationship is a very insightful place to learn what we desire out of the relationship and more about ourselves.
There are relationships we get into where we cannot grow in certain areas because the relationship is taking too much energy out of us. Listen to your body, heart, and soul. Is it time to exit the relationship so you can focus on yourself for a while? I noticed that I was constantly growing personally in specific involvements but maybe not getting as much time as I needed for my career. I’ve also been involved in relationships where I grew professionally and financially more than ever but had little opportunity for personal development because I was taking care of everything and everyone else.
Never stop prioritizing yourself. Always care for yourself. Maintain hobbies. Continue exploring new interests. Keep reinventing yourself. Relationships have a way of making us boring and crawling into a shell. Keep the energy alive. Keep yourself vibrant.
If you ever feel your light dimming or like you’re losing parts of yourself, that’s a key indicator that it might be time to step away from the relationship. Maintain your wholeness. Never allow yourself to sever into pieces for anybody. Never allow anyone to change who you innately are.
Don’t ask your partner for permission to do what you want to do (within reason). If you want to travel somewhere, do it. If you want to wear certain clothes, do it. If you want to be friends with certain people, do it. If you want to spend time with your family without them, do it. Our partners are not our gatekeepers. We are grown.
Continue your personal development journey. Relationships usually help us do one or two things: elevate or disintegrate. I’ve been very lucky; my life experience has elevated in every relationship I’ve been in because I never allow others to bring me down. However, there are things I still compromised on in different involvements that could have gone better. If you need to go to therapy, get therapy. If you need to focus on a particular area of your life, do it. And be with a partner that provides you the space to heal, learn, grow, and maturate into a better person.
Never be the primary person supporting the other. It’s nice to have partners who can reciprocate the value you provide them. In number 6, I mention my personal development journey was at times compromised because I was taking care of everyone and everything else. Find a balance, and never put yourself on the backburner. The best time to start caring for yourself more is now.
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.