Stop Being Someone Else’s Emotional Crutch
1. Red Flag: They Make You Responsible For Their Mental Health
Have you ever been in a situation where someone said words such as,
- “If you leave, I’ll fall apart.”
- “You’re the only reason I’m okay.”
- “You’re the only reason I’m alive.”
- “I don’t know how to live without you.”
- “You give me reason to live.”
- “You’re my everything.”
- “I hope you never leave me.”
There are healthy people who use these statements (specifically “you’re my everything”) in an exaggerated state, but for many people, these phrases do not come from a wholesome or healthy type of love.
Instead they originate from fear, pressure, control, and unhealthy levels of attachment.
- You are not anyone’s lifeline.
- You are not responsible for anyone’s mental health.
- You are not responsible for anyone’s healing.
- You are not responsible for others’ stability.
If you have any type of relationship with someone and they are using these types of phrases or making you feel an unhealthy level of pressure to stick around, this is a red flag.
2. Red Flag: They Treat Their Parents Like Their Therapist
If you’re in a relationship with someone and they treat their parents like their therapist, you’ll never be their emotional home because their first instinct is to run to their parents for every argument, emotionally taxing situation, or any event that requires emotional support.
When an adult still needs parental approval to breathe or parental input for every single situation, their is no relationship.
You’re a bystander.
These are also perfect setups for emotional triangles.
3. Red Flag: They Weaponize Therapy Language to Avoid Accountability
“You’re triggering me.”
“That’s gaslighting.”
“I need space to process.”
If every conflict ends with them using psychology terms to dodge responsibility, they’re manipulating you with a self-help dictionary.
There’s a difference between needing genuine space and needing space each time you confront them about something.
Healthy people are able to frequently process in real-time and don’t need space for every single conversation.
Moreover, healthy people do not label regular conversations as “trigger-inducing” or “gaslighting” as these are serious matters.
4. Red Flag: They Have “Work Wives” or “Work Husbands” They Text at Night
It’s not the having a close relationship with a work partner that is a problem, it’s the lack of boundaries. Moreover, it’s the fact that their relationship with their work “wife” or “husband” consistently starts eating away at the time you two spend with each other.
Balance is key.
If their “work friend” is getting late-night texts, inside jokes, and emotional support, that’s not professional networking — that’s an emotional affair with a LinkedIn title.
Know the difference.
Set boundaries and see if they can respect it.
If they don’t, you need to decide is it worth dealing with or do you want to go for better. Because there are always healthier options available.
5. Red Flag: They Call Their Ex When You Two Fight
If conflict with you sends them straight to their ex for “support,” you’re in a triangle.
That’s not closure, that’s emotional cheating dressed up as venting.
Are they exes or emotional support for each other?
Can you two have private conversations, or are the details always leaking to their previous partners?
Healthy dynamics practice working things out together and injecting objective and neutral parties that can offer key and invaluable insights.
6. Red Flag: They Punish You for Having Boundaries
When you say no, they sulk, withdraw, lash out, or “joke” about you being cold. Boundaries aren’t an attack—so if they treat them like betrayal, they’re training you to stay compliant.
7. Red Flag: They Turn Every Issue Into Your Fault
No matter what happens, the story ends with you being the problem. If accountability never lands on them, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a scapegoat role.
8. Red Flag: They Can’t Respect Privacy
They demand access to your phone, your location, your messages, or your passwords “for reassurance.” Trust doesn’t require surveillance, and love doesn’t need a security clearance.
9. Red Flag: They Use Jealousy as a Love Language
They frame control as care and call your independence “disrespect.” If they need you smaller to feel safe, they’re not protecting the relationship—they’re protecting their insecurity.
10. Red Flag: They Make You Earn Basic Decency
They’re kind when you’re performing perfectly and cold when you’re not. Consistency is the minimum, so if respect is conditional, the relationship is a power game.
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