Love can build you or break you. It can expand you or shrink you. Most people stumble because they ignore the truths that keep them grounded. These aren’t clichés or sugarcoated advice — they’re the 50+ brutally honest rules that actually matter for relationships. Rules I’ve learned along the way.
1. Listen to Your Gut (Intuition)
Your head will talk you into things. Your heart will make excuses for things. But your gut doesn’t lie. If something feels off, it is. Trust the instinct that doesn’t need proof — it’ll save you from a lot of wasted time.
2. Fall in Love With Solitude
Get to the point where being alone feels better than being half-loved or being with someone and still feeling alone. When you’re comfortable in your own space, you stop settling for anyone who doesn’t bring real value. Solitude should feel like peace, not punishment.
3. Set a Quality Standard
Forget “high standards” or “low standards.” What matters is quality. Define what quality looks like for you — in love, in care, in respect — and don’t let anyone below that line into your world.
4. Don’t Commit Too Fast
A fast commitment often comes from fear, not clarity. Scarcity mindset disguised as romance will cost you more than it gives. Commit to yourself first until it’s crystal clear someone else deserves that spot.
5. Date Widely — And Date Yourself
The more you date, the more you learn what actually works for you. But don’t forget to date yourself too — take yourself out, enjoy your own company, learn how to give yourself what you’re asking from others. That way, when someone shows up, it’s addition, not dependency.
Why do so many people only date or only get to know a few people before making the biggest decision of their lifetime?
6. Question Everything You’ve Been Taught
You don’t have to follow traditions or repeat what you saw growing up. Keep what works and discard the rest. Build a framework that fits your values, not just what’s familiar.
7. Drop the Cynicism
Cynicism feels safe, but it blinds you to possibilities. There are good people everywhere. If you can’t see them, maybe the problem isn’t the world — it’s your lens.
8. Watch Their Friends
People can hide who they are for a while, but their friends rarely can. Circles reveal character. If the crew is a mess, it’s only a matter of time before you see the same traits in the person.
9. Pay Attention to How They Treat You
Forget words — focus on patterns. Do they listen, or do you have to repeat yourself over and over? Do they build you up, or do they constantly chip away at you with “jokes” and criticism? Consistency tells the truth.
10. Look at Their Values
Looks fade and vibes shift, but values anchor people. Do they know what they stand for, or are they just winging it? If they don’t have a compass, don’t expect them to guide a relationship.
My number one value is health. Anyone that does not take care of their bodies or is trying to “get there” instead of already embodying the value doesn’t align. What’s your number one value? How often have you compromised on it?
11. Sometimes You’re Just Not Ready
It’s not always about them. Sometimes you’re the one who isn’t ready, and that’s okay. Don’t punish yourself for not wanting exclusivity or commitment when your life is pointing in another direction. If you’re wavering, do it alone — it’s much more peaceful. If you’re seeking novelty, be upfront.
12. Always Check for Character
Charm is cheap. Character is earned. Over the long haul, it’s character — not charisma — that determines if someone will build with you or break you.
13. If You’re Not Laughing, Run the Other Way
Relationships without laughter are heavy. Joy, ease, and playfulness are signs you’re safe with someone. If you’re not laughing or enjoying your time together, what exactly are you building?
14. Builders Look for Builders
Builders create. Destroyers drain. Be with people who build themselves, build their future, and build you up along the way. If all they do is tear down, don’t be surprised when they tear you down too.
15. Be With People Who Give a Damn
Indifference is deadly. Be with people who care — about themselves, about life, about you. Curiosity, growth, generosity — that’s what keeps things alive.
16. Good Enough Will Never Be Enough
Good doesn’t mean right. Someone can be decent, kind, and “good on paper” — and still not be your person. Don’t settle just because it looks fine from the outside.
17. Be With Someone Who Activates Your Soul
Chemistry is more than attraction. The right person lights you up, expands you, and awakens parts of yourself you didn’t know were asleep. I’m not talking about an emotional high here. If your soul isn’t on fire, you’re settling. If you’re not becoming a better human being with this person; if your perspectives aren’t expanding, if your world isn’t evolving, walk away. Don’t be in a flatlined relationship.
18. One Life — Don’t Settle for Good When You Can Have Great
Like Jim Collins said: good is the enemy of great. Relationships aren’t neutral — they either elevate you or drag you down. Choose wisely. Never apologize for protecting your one life.
19. Boundaries Reveal Respect
Boundaries are filters, not walls. Set them early, and set them clearly. Moreover, don’t explain or apologize. The way people respond will tell you everything about how much they respect you. Respect is everything in a relationship. The lovey-dovey feelings…the attraction…all that shit can fade, but respect? That’s where strong partnerships are built and weak ones are destroyed.
20. Learn From Others
You don’t have to learn every lesson the hard way. Watch how other people love and fail. Ask questions. Apply the patterns you see. Wisdom is often borrowed before it’s earned.
21. Never Sacrifice Yourself
Love shouldn’t suffocate. You should still be able to breathe, grow, and exist fully as yourself. If you lose yourself in the process, it isn’t love.
22. You Don’t Have to Do It How You Saw It Done
What you grew up around doesn’t have to define what you build. Take what works, leave the rest. Be willing to break norms and create your own rules.
23. Study Healthy Love
If you’ve never seen a healthy relationship, you may not know how to recognize or build one. Don’t just wing it — study it. Pay attention to examples of love that last and thrive.
24. Be So Happy You Can’t Just Date Anybody
Happiness should be your baseline. When your life is already full, you stop tolerating anyone who brings chaos or emptiness. Overflowing people don’t settle.
25. Go Where You’ve Never Gone — Let the Magic Find You
Staying in the same spaces leads to the same outcomes. Explore new places, meet new people, try new experiences. Magic rarely happens in your comfort zone.
26. Check In With Yourself Regularly
It’s easy to get swept up, but step back often and evaluate. How do you feel? Is this fueling you or draining you? Don’t confuse chemistry with growth — make sure the connection is watering you, not drying you out.
27. If They Don’t Want the Best for You, They’re Not the Best for You
It’s that simple. If someone isn’t rooting for your shine, they don’t deserve access to it.
28. How Do They Make You Feel?
It’s not just about how you feel about them — it’s about how they make you feel. Notice what they activate in you and what they shut down. The body never lies.
29. Access Is Always Earned
You don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or story. Access is a privilege, not a default. Let people earn it, and give it at a healthy pace.
30. Travel Together — and Bring Them Around Your People
Want to fast-track the truth? Travel with someone. Introduce them to your friends. New environments and real-world dynamics reveal more than months of talk.
31. Forgive, But Don’t Forget
Yes, people can change. But don’t erase the past or ignore patterns. Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone repeat the same cycles with you. Set the standard and hold people to it. Don’t bend and compromise your self-worth. Learn to distinguish when to stay and when to walk away based on how someone treats you. Don’t tolerate bullshit — and respect the people who won’t tolerate yours.
32. Don’t Empower Disrespect
Boundaries mean nothing if you let people trample them. Set the line, enforce it, and if it’s crossed — walk away. Respect starts with you. Watch how people respond when you tell them “no”.
33. Use Time to Your Advantage
Never rush. Time reveals what charm and words can’t. If you’re patient, everything you need to know will eventually surface.
34. Billions Exist — Don’t Stop at One
There are billions of people in the world. Scarcity is a lie. Don’t confuse the first who shows up with the only one who could be right.
35. Respect the Pace — Rushing Is a Red Flag
Healthy love honors rhythm. If someone pushes, pressures, or complains about access, that’s not care — that’s control.
36. Listen to Your Body — It Knows Before You Do
Your body is the best truth-teller. Tension, stress, safety, joy — pay attention to the dominant feelings that show up when you’re around someone. They reveal what your mind tries to ignore.
37. Hire Slow, Fire Fast
Take your time before letting someone in. But once the red flags are undeniable, move quick. Cut cords before the damage multiplies. Sometimes people aren’t even intentionally hurting you (many people are inherently good and flawed human beings), but no need to stick around while they figure it TF out and continue hurting you.
38. Be Willing to Walk Away — Even From Good
Sometimes it won’t make sense. Someone may be “good,” but not good for you. Trust your gut and don’t apologize for leaving what doesn’t feel right. A flatline relationship is often a sign.
39. The Minute You Compromise, It’s Already Wrong
The second you bend yourself out of shape to make it work, it’s already broken. Stop forcing what doesn’t fit. When someone tells you their preferences and values and doesn’t align with yours, listen the first time.
40. Know Your Value Upfront
If you don’t know your worth, someone else will define it for you. Stand firm in who you are. The right people will recognize it. The wrong ones will feel threatened by it. Either way, it’s yours.
41. Don’t Apologize for Not Having Time
You make time for what you value. If you’re not making time for someone, be honest about that reality — with yourself first.
42. Track Your Trajectory
Notice where you were when you met someone — and where you end up. The right people accelerate your growth. The wrong people slow you down.
43. It’s Okay to Hold Contradictions
Strength and softness. Independence and support. Logic and emotion. Adventure and stability. Privacy and being seen. Discipline and play. Confidence and insecurity. Protective and gentle. Stoic and expressive. Ambitious and family-centered. You don’t have to split yourself — the right person can hold all of you.
Be with people that allow space for your existence.
44. Don’t Chase People — Chase Energy
Stop going after the same “type.” Energy matters more than looks, labels, or patterns. Pay attention to what fuels you instead of what just looks familiar.
45. Don’t Be Perfect — Be Prepared
Forget perfection. What matters is vision and direction. Have your shit together, or at least know where you’re headed. If you don’t, you’ll lose yourself in someone else’s path. Or worse, you’ll always be that person that wants a solid match, but doesn’t have anything to offer.
46. Watch How They Treat Themselves
This one came as I was about to hit publish. Number nine: “Pay Attention to How They Treat You” is critical, but how the fuck do they treat themselves? Self-respect shows in how someone cares for their body, mind, spirit, finances, and relationships. If they neglect themselves, don’t expect them to sustain care for you. And if they care for everyone but themselves, that’s not selfless — that’s a compounding resentment time bomb. Look out!
The next ones came after I added 46. I can imagine I’ll likely continue adding. Bartle doo.
47. Gratitude Over Complaints
Gratitude reveals stability. People who live thankful are usually happier, more at peace, and better at riding life’s tides. Chronic complainers rarely build healthy love — they drain it.
48. Character Is Everything
Do they crumble in hard times, or do they stay in the ring? Do they fail and take accountability, or blame and hide? It’s not about never falling — it’s about resilience, responsibility, and rising again.
49. Watch Their Commitments
What are they loyal to? Who and what do they invest their time, money, and energy into? What matters to someone will always tell you more than what they say.
50. Do They Extend Care Beyond Themselves?
Love that only looks inward suffocates. Do they give, volunteer, support, or serve? Generosity and kindness to others reveal whether they can truly share a life — or if they’ll only ever serve themselves.
51. Watch Their Boundaries With Others
Do they set boundaries with family, exes, work, friends? Or does it all get messy? People without boundaries often create chaos that eventually lands in your lap. Boundaries aren’t optional — they’re a measure of self-respect and stability.
52. Pay Attention to How They Manage Their Money
How someone handles money says a lot about how they’ll handle shared finances — if not worse once more money enters the picture. Yes, people can grow and improve, but don’t entangle your finances while they’re still learning. Money patterns reveal discipline, values, and long-term stability.
53. Don’t Be Easily Impressed
Charm is cheap. Talk is worth less than pennies. Don’t be easily impressed, don’t be easily flattered. Just watch. People reveal themselves over time — and what lasts matters more than the performance. Many people can put on a good show.
54. Do The Hard Things
Many people think walking away is the easy thing to do, but if that were the case, many people wouldn’t be in such unhealthy relationships. Many relationships are actually extremely difficult to walk away from. Know when to stay. Know when to walk away.
Many people don’t know how to set boundaries with themselves, leading them to fail at setting boundaries with others — especially their partners. Set the boundaries. And if you don’t know how to, learn how to set boundaries before you enter a relationship.
Many people don’t know how to speak up and initiate a conversation when something their partner does bothers them. Have the conversation in a respectful way.
Learn to do the hard things.
55. Don’t Try to Change People, Accept Them
People align or they don’t. If you meet someone and you don’t like who they are today, you want to change them, you’re hoping they change one day, there’s some key mismatches (particularly value misalignment) guess what? They’re not for you. Say bye bye. Walk away. You don’t have to wait months or years for the clarity that’s already present today.
56. Not Knowing What You Want Cuts Both Ways
You can either learn more about who you are and what you don’t want. Or you could wake up decades or years later wondering how the fuck you ended up in the relationship you’re in today. Stay aware. Don’t sign up for something when you don’t know what you want. Wait it out. Seek clarity.
The Bottom Line
Choosing your partner is likely the most important decision you’ll make in your life. This is the person you’re likely going to end up spending most of your time around for years to come. Choose wisely. You don’t need perfection. You don’t need fairy tales. What you need is truth. Boundaries. Laughter. Growth. Respect. Space to breathe.
The wrong people will shrink you, drain you, compromise you. The right ones will activate you, expand you, build with you.
Love wisely. Walk away boldly. And never — ever — lose yourself in the process.
Wishing you all the best on your journey of love.
Disclaimer: This manifesto is based on personal experience and perspective. It is not professional therapy, counseling, or a substitute for mental health or life advice. Relationships are deeply individual, and what works for one person may not work for another. Read these rules as insights, not prescriptions. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and always use your own discernment.