This piece is part of my 2016–2026 archive migration. Some original formatting, content, and external links may be missing, changed, or not be optimized.
Put on their lens to see another perspective
A white guy asked me, “Can you twerk? The question is off-putting to me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? It seems like an odd question for a white guy to ask a black female.
Anyone can learn how to twerk, but when this question was asked, I was reminded of an existing assumption: all black people can dance. Maybe I can. Maybe I can’t. But why does it matter, and why did you need to ask me that question?
Straightened Hair
My 4C 80% shrinkage hair fools many people into believing I don’t have a lot of hair. Wrong. I have a sh*t load of hair, and it’s finally contained since I installed locs.
However, some people I’ve dated saw my long straight hair and then only wanted to see that version of me.
I’ve received the “Can you straighten your hair?” question a few too many times from dating partners, friends, and even family. I’ve even gotten the “you look pretty” comment more when my hair was straightened. I had to ensure my self-esteem was built to deal with that comment.
Interracial Dating
“Oh, you date people outside of your race?”
A white girlfriend of mine was surprised to learn that I date people outside of my race. This is the same friend who wouldn’t date black guys because “her parents told her she couldn’t.”
Yes, I’m a black female that dates all races.
Transform Your Genetics
A white guy I dated asked if I could make my hair look like a mixed women’s hair. Yeah, that situation didn’t work out.
NOPE. I can’t change my genetics. I could add fake hair, dye my hair, or chemically process my hair, but my hair will never have the same classification as a woman with a completely different genetic background. I have 4c hair. This is me.
Is that your real natural hair [indirectly, it can often be assumed that Black women can’t grow long hair]?
I’ve gotten this question from friends, family, and strangers who always seemed surprised that a black woman could have long hair. It’s more than possible if you manage and treat your hair correctly, but not enough people know how to do this, which is why it seems uncommon.
Where Do You Hold Fat?
One woman told me that since I was a slim female, I would eventually gain tremendous fat in my thighs. To this day, her prophecy has not come true.
Not all black females are “thick.” Every black woman has a different body type. We shouldn’t generalize a group of people to fit into one of our boxes.
Black Women
Everything and anything concerning all who identify as a black
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.