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Death and loss are inevitable, but there are ways to help ease the grief process
Recently, I lost two people very close to me, so when this new tragedy came knocking on my door, I couldn’t fully grasp the heartache because I’m still so numb from the other two losses. However, I will remain present for my dear friend.
Death is final. Life is filled with possibilities. – Tyrion Lannister
Loss is complicated. Grief is complicated. Death is complicated. There is no proper way to respond. Everyone responds differently. In this instance, I thought I would feel more right away – at least a heaviness. Maybe it’s internalizing or externalizing itself in other ways I haven’t become aware of yet. I don’t know. I’m no master at dealing with loss, but I have learned a few things along my grief journey.
8 Things I’ve Learned From My Grief
1: It’s easy to lose yourself for awhile
Writing is my passion. It’s my thing. I do it even when I don’t realize I’m doing it, but with loss, I’ve experienced moments where I’ve struggled to sit down and write an article. I’ve experienced times many quiet moments.
I’m still finding myself, but I’ve come a long way since a few months ago. Do you want to know what helped me? I had to get away and go somewhere that provided healing for my soul. Interestingly enough, I went to where my best friend lives, who recently lost her father. I told her about the people I lost, and now she’s telling me about the person she’s lost.
2: Figure out what YOU need.
There are two main things I’ve needed plenty of during this time:
Time off from my full-time job, which they happily and graciously gave me.
Unusual surrounding. I also needed to get out of the state and go to different environments.
Listen to your heart; it will tell you what it needs to heal.
3: People can leave your life at any moment.
I wasn’t expecting to lose three people in less than four months, but it happened. I didn’t have any foresight into the matter either; I had no idea it was coming.
Unfortunately, surprises are inevitable.
It’s a common saying, but I will repeat it: Cherish the people you love. Spend more time with the people you love. Love your people harder, and be grateful for their place in your life because you do not know how long they will remain there.
4: Sometimes, death can’t be rationalized.
For a while, I couldn’t accept the loss; I didn’t believe it to be true. At times, I still feel and believe the people I’ve lost are still here with me. I have to remind myself they aren’t. They’re gone, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can try to think of all the things I could’ve done to try and prevent their deaths, one of which being “if I had moved closer, maybe this wouldn’t have happened,” or “if I had noticed such and such occurrence maybe I could’ve intervened.” You’re not God. I’m not God. We can’t play God and change the past; the past is final. No matter how much your past hurts.
5: There will be really bad days and really good days
People would probably never know what I’m experiencing behind closed doors, but it’s an ocean of emotion that changes like the waves of the sea, something I can only experience in my inner being.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and just when you think you’re ~90% healed, your heart gets stabbed with memories, pain, new grief, and overwhelming emotion.
I’ve had really good days, and I’ve had really bad days.
However, practicing stoicism and daily gratitude has helped me be tremendously more steady.
6: We all return to the dust. No one is immune to death.
At some point, you will die. The animals and people you love will die. Whether you’re rich, poor, Asian, African, or the color blue, we all return to the dust. We are all tied together because we all have the same ending. No one is immune from death.
7: Life keeps moving.
Time doesn’t stop. Work doesn’t stop. People keep living their lives – even if you stop living yours. At some point, you will keep moving. There is no need to rush it, but just know that it will come when you are ready.
8: Maintain positive outlets
It’s easy to stop doing the things you love when you’re grieving. It’s also easy to stop taking care of yourself when grieving. One of the best ways to ease your recovery is to take care of yourself. Don’t stop loving yourself throughout the grieving process – even when it’s hard. You will find strength within yourself.
Dedication – This blog is for you, L. The one person who introduced me to medium and substack and introduced me to a whole new writing world. Thank you forever and always. I love you.
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.