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Healthy self-esteem creates successful adults
The Critical Parent
Most of us can think back to a specific time when our parents criticized us about something; it might be the simplest thing they said, or it might have been something they didn’t say.
Criticizing your kids is dangerous. For some reason, the words of our parents hit us a bit harder than everyone else. Maybe because we look up to them, trust them, and expect them to protect us. But we often don’t feel protected, loved, or safe if our parents constantly criticize or over-praise other kids who do something better than us.
Common Criticisms From Parents
You’re a liar.
You’re always late.
You’re not that attractive.
I can’t trust you with anything.
Don’t ask dumb questions like that.
You look a hot mess and smell dirty.
You’re lazy; stop sleeping in so much.
Why can’t you bring better grades home?
When will you finally get it? Use your brain.
Your room is never clean; I’m tired of seeing a mess all the time.
Try to fit in with everyone else. Don’t stick out like a sore thumb.
I mean, the list goes on and on. Some people remember exact phrases of what their parents often said to them. Others forget, but the emotional imprint of their parents’ words that were frequently said aloud still affects them today.
The Loving Parent
When you love your kids, unconditional love is felt. No matter if the kid makes a mistake or wins the spelling bee. The support is genuine, and the criticism is non-existent.
Yes, there is always room for feedback to help your child grow, but not in a way that demeans or belittles your child.
In the book, “See You At The Top,” Zig Ziglar reminds parents how effective it is to compliment a behavior of another child only when it’s a behavior you want your child to implement, such as:
“Wow, Sady is always prepared for her tests and ensures she gets her studying in. That’s cool!”
“I like how Dylan uses “yes sir” and “yes ma’am” for his parents.”
“It’s interesting how Charlie always has a book in hand versus their iPhone or iPad. Many kids don’t read as much these days.”
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How To Build Self-Esteem In Your Kids
First off, be cautious of the words you use with them. Love them for who they are; don’t try to change them.
If your kids go off the rails, guide them and show them a better way in a firm, consistent, and loving way.
Implement boundaries in your daily life and display healthy self-esteem; kids learn the most by observing their parents.
Stop criticizing them when they make mistakes, do things you don’t like, or irritate and annoy you. Demonstrate patience and unconditional love, so they can do the same with themselves and others as they age.
Ultimately, kids are a reflection of their parents, not in every case, but in many. If parents criticized their kids less and affirmed them more, we would have fewer kids with mental health issues, negative behavior patterns, self-esteem issues, and poor self-image. It starts with you.
If you’re struggling with your self-image, read the books:
See You At The Top by Zig Ziglar
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.