This piece is part of my 2016–2026 archive migration. Some original formatting, content, and external links may be missing, changed, or not be optimized.
Reaching the point of enough is enough
Most people don’t have firm and healthy boundaries. Most of us are too nice (myself included). We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings at our own expense, but this is extremely problematic because we’re hurting ourselves in the process. We’re essentially telling ourselves that we matter less and others matter more. We should feel that we and everyone else all matter, and no one is more valuable than another.
Eventually, We Get Fed Up With Being Violated
Many times, we are unsure of our boundaries (myself included). Sometimes, the only way to overcome the confusion around the boundary is to be placed in a position that helps us define what those boundaries are.
We may not get it the first time or the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh time. But at a certain point, we will get into so much pain, discomfort, or frustration that we will finally value ourselves enough to say, “Enough is enough!” I’m setting this boundary from this day forward.
I’ve been in situations where I’ve allowed others to cross my boundaries because I was unsure of what my boundaries were. Some boundaries took a lifetime to develop, others took years, and some others I was able to implement right away.
My advice: Get fed up sooner than later, so you don’t have to lose too much of yourself in the process. Some people get fed up in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s. Of course, it’s never too late, but you’ve already had multiple lifetimes by that time. Listen to your body; it always tells you what it feels comfortable with…body language is a powerful source of truth. But also listen to your heart. The heart is also a strong source of truth in tricky situations that feel confusing.
Boundary Development Starts In Childhood
Boundaries only come naturally to those who were modeled healthy boundaries in childhood. If you didn’t see healthy boundaries growing up, you likely won’t implement them, and you will likely struggle to say no or determine your level of comfort in risky and not-so-risky situations.
The other day, I was chatting with my dear friend and conveyed how much I admired her and her parents for having such firm boundaries through difficult situations. She has inspired me to implement healthy boundaries in my life when that has never been innate or comfortable for me to do.
The boundaries were always felt inside of me. I usually knew when I did or didn’t want something, but after a while of not speaking up for those wants and needs, things get murky and confused. You can’t hear the voice inside as clearly because you’ve ignored and silenced the voice for so long.
Look deeply within your soul, and you will find that voice again that leads and guides you to strong boundary development.
Boundary Development: Start Small
If you also struggle implementing boundaries, you can start small. Implement a boundary with someone who has firm boundaries. They will usually never find you setting a boundary offensive because they respect themselves enough to implement a boundary.
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.