Hack: 1 Say “No”

Say “No”

If a family member asks for help that misaligns with your goals, causes more harm than good to you, is utterly inconvenient for this time, or you simply don’t want to do it, just say “no.”

Don’t allow yourself to be guilted into saying “yes” just because they’re family.

Journal Entry

What last family request did I want to say “no” to but didn’t? Why do I feel I couldn’t say “no”?

Hack 2: Distance Yourself

Distance Yourself

Sometimes, distance is the best strategy to offer yourself and your family. Some people have never lived away or apart from their family, which leaves them constantly open and available to family drama, requests, and circumstances.

Consider moving out, experimenting with a new city, state, or country, or mitigating how much you communicate with family.

Don’t ignore family, but ensure you’re not making yourself available to your detriment.

Allow time and space to focus on yourself and cultivate other healthy relationships.

Journal Entry

Would there be repercussions if I were to decrease my communication with my family?

Hack 3: Communicate Immediately

Communicate Immediately

If a family member is causing harm, ample stress, or abusing the relationship with you in any way, initiate a conversation about it immediately.

First, consider what you will communicate calmly, clearly, and respectfully, and then have the conversation.

Don’t allow feelings and thoughts to fester. Have an open discussion.

Journal Entry

What feelings am I dealing with that I have not openly discussed with particular family members?

Hack 4: Don’t Be The Hero

Don’t Be The Hero

If an adult family member is struggling with an addiction, it is not your job to save them.

You can provide them with tools and resources to save themselves, but they are not your responsibility.

And if you’re not careful, you will have to keep saving them if you don’t allow them to find the strength within them to save themselves.

Journal Entry

How many times have I had to save a family member? Has it worked?

Hack 5: Stop Enabling

Stop Enabling

If a family member is an alcoholic, don’t buy alcohol for them.

If a family member consistently mismanages their money, don’t continue financially bailing them out.

If a family member keeps sabotaging their job opportunities, don’t save them financially or provide housing whenever they’re in trouble.

Allow family to figure things out for themselves, or they’ll never learn.

Journal Entry

Have I been enabling any family members, and if so, which ones and how?

Hack 6: Create Parameters

Create Parameters

When helping a family member, set parameters for how you can help them without hurting yourself.

A family member might ask for a loan, but you know they never pay you back or on time. However, you feel kind and generous and have the means to help them.

Instead of giving them a loan, just give them a set dollar amount and then let go. Don’t expect or require anything back, or you set yourself up for disappointment.

Journal Entry

What parameters do I need to set for a current situation with family?

Hack 7: Seek Therapy

Seek Therapy

Sometimes, family can get a bit stressful; if you want a third party that doesn’t know you or your family and can offer a more neutral set of ears, consider seeking help from a therapist to unburden yourself and have productive discussions about your emotions, thoughts, and the familial situations taking place in your life.

There are free trials and free therapy resources; if you have insurance or an employer, they will likely cover therapy sessions.

Either way, there are low-cost options as well, and your mental and emotional health doesn’t have a price. Invest in yourself.

Journal Entry

Am I open to therapy? Why or why not?

Hack 8: Let Go

Let Go

You can’t save people. People have to save themselves. You can’t control what people do with their lives; you must allow people to make their own decisions.

But one thing you can do is let go. It’s not easy; it’s not fun. You might feel out of control. You might feel like you’re hurting them more than helping them, but letting go is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself and others.

Journal Entry

What emotions, burdens, and thoughts do I need to release today?

Hack 9: Create Your Family

Create Your Family

Family can never be replaced, but you can add on to your family.

Some family members will always be close to us. Others will push us away with their actions, habits, and lifestyles. It’s okay.

There are billions of people on the planet, many of which could be like family or more to you.

Be open to building new relationships with others who don’t cause you harm, who respect your boundaries, who don’t abuse and use you, and who are reliable.

Journal Entry

Who in my life is like family but not blood-related?

Hack 10: The Power Of “No”

The Power of “No”

Once you stop trying to rescue family, once you stop enabling family members to continue unproductive favors, and once you start setting boundaries with your time, money, and peace, you will notice some family members may get upset initially, but some of them figure it out and become better human beings because you stopped trying to save them.

Many people need someone to set boundaries with them so they can finally “wake up” and realize “this isn’t working.”

Start saying “no” not only to help yourself but to help your family.

Journal Entry

Who do I need to say “no” to more?

Exercise 1: Boundaries

Boundary Exercise

Implement a new boundary with your family today that will create more peace in your life.

For example:

1. Set your phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode during certain hours

2. Stop attending every family function.

3. Don’t give out any more family loans

4. Don’t cosign a loan for a family member

5. Don’t adjust your schedule and compromise your goals to be available whenever someone needs you — unless it’s a true emergency. Your time is valuable.

6. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.

Exercise 2: Sign Up For Therapy

Sign Up For Therapy Exercise

Sign up for a complimentary session if you’re not already in therapy. Hash it out. Talk about your feelings and thoughts openly. Get it out there. You’ll feel so much better!

Exercise 3: Journal

Journaling Exercise

Start journaling how different family situations, experiences, and interactions make you feel.

Journaling is another productive way of releasing and expressing your emotions.

Exercise 4: Stop Feeling Guilty

Stop Feeling Guilty Exercise

Once you set a boundary, instead of being overly concerned about how the other person might respond and feel, focus on how you feel and release any emotions of guilt.

The goal is to improve your life, increase your happiness, and set boundaries that make your life more enjoyable.

Exercise 5: Take A Vacation

Vacation Exercise

Get away, even if it’s close to your home. Get out of your usual environment, get an Air BnB or hotel, and focus on doing things you enjoy. Remember to journal, meditate, work out, review and refine your goals, and stay productive.

Copyright © 2024. Destiny S. Harris | Blacklisted Library