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Now you’ll know how to avoid the common pitfalls
Thankfully, the separation was relatively easy, and here’s why.
We Kept Separate Assets
Most of our assets were separate; this was intentional. I don’t believe in sharing all of your assets with your partner. It’s healthy to have shared accounts but healthy to have separate accounts.
Sharing accounts doesn’t make sense if both parties have differing financial habits and will only conjure conflict.
Bank Accounts
All of our bank accounts were separated.
We didn’t share checking and savings accounts. We did at one point, but that lasted for a short period.
We didn’t share any credit cards.
We didn’t share any debt.
If you’re splitting up, this eliminates many of your problems.
Cars
There was an opportunity to buy a new car together, but something within me said, “No, don’t proceed.”
Always rethink co-signing; this goes for everyone and everything.
I also didn’t feel it was time to buy a new car. If you’ve read my articles, you know I’ve had my car for a decade.
My car has been paid off for seven years, and I put in place several stipulations that must be completed before buying a new car.
Any assets we did share (only one), we communicated respectfully about it. And I’m okay with letting the asset go and never discussing it again.
I will never put all my eggs into a shared asset. That sh*t is a trap.
House
I wanted to buy a house, but there were some impediments to buying it together; it would actually be easier to buy it by myself, which is why I waited, and I’m glad I did.
Follow your intuition; it will rarely guide you wrong.
But if we did have a shared house, we would have made it work, whether that would be renting it out, selling and splitting the profits, etc.
Through the separation, we responded to each other with emotional stability, which ensured we maintained a respectful correspondence.
FYI: Sharing Assets Isn’t Bad
I’m not promoting not sharing assets, but it does make things easier.
The only people I recommend sharing assets with are emotionally stable and mature. You can only discover this over time by not rushing into a relationship.
There are some people I’ve dated that I would never share assets with because they were unhealthy or vengeful people, which I found out over time and by taking my time to get to know them.
We Weren’t Financially Codependent
They had income.
I had income.
Both of us could live by ourselves or support a new family if we desired to do so.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for many people. The average couple financially relies on one another’s income to live a particular lifestyle.
My partner and I could have lived 100x better than we did, which was one of their grievances.
But I believe less is more.
“What is it all for?” is how I view life.
When you maintain low overhead, your options increase exponentially.
Instead of focusing on buying new clothes, cars, and other materialistic items that we could afford, I focused on investing, saving, and continually building financial independence.
We Maintained Our Philosophies
I’m stubborn. But so are my partners, and I prefer it that way. People who are easily influenced bend like the wind.
Maintain your own mind, but never to your detriment.
My partner and I always maintained opposing philosophies on money.
I’m an aggressive investor, a minimalist, maintain little to no debt, and live low-key.
My partner was the opposite.
If you and your partner never arrive on the same page about money, don’t expect that you’ll be able to build a successful life together.
Finances are one of the primary causes of relational discord.
At a certain point, I realized there was no reason to impose my views on them. Live how you desire, but I won’t allow it to affect me and my goals.
Opposing goals will never mesh.
How I Live Now
I wouldn’t change a thing. It was one of the most meaningful relationships of my life. I believe and hope they are a lot happier now, too. But my life improved financially, mentally, and emotionally after I exited the situation.
Several blockers were stifling my progress.
We both needed to separate for our growth. Though it was uncomfortable at first, it was necessary.
Discomfort is the foundation of growth.
I still do some things the same, but I do some things differently.
I still save and invest aggressively.
I’m still low-key and dress like a homeless person at times.
I’m more minimal now because I’m no longer sacrificing or compromising the good parts of myself for anyone.
I travel frequently, which was not something I could do or did while we were together for many reasons. But now I enjoy traveling for months at a time.
I only involve myself with people on the same wavelength as me in all aspects. But since we’re talking about money, let’s talk about it. It’s easy to skip over the financial philosophies of others, but the sh*t matters a lot because it matters to me. If we don’t share the same philosophies about money, it won’t work.
Key Takeaways
Maintaining financial independence throughout a relationship will prevent you from being surprised if things go differently.
Avoid bitterness and other unproductive emotions. Forgive, let go, and move on with your life. There is no reason to fight over anything. It’s a waste of energy and time. You might care less about shared resources when you have your own resources.
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.