This piece is part of my 2016–2026 archive migration. Some original formatting, content, and external links may be missing, changed, or not be optimized.
Setting boundaries with loved ones and friends
It’s unusual because I seemed to be more concerned about their goals than they were, but sometimes we need people in our lives to remind us of our goals when we forget about them. It’s helpful to have people push us back in the right direction when we get off track; these people are our angels.
We might think we’re doing an act of kindness for someone, but we’re really hindering them from accomplishing their goals.
Here are some examples:
Your friend drinks a bit too often and has been displaying alcoholic tendencies. They ask you to go out for drinks with them to celebrate a significant achievement. The better response would be to thoughtfully say “no,” and offer the option to do another activity that doesn’t involve alcohol.
Your partner is overweight and asks you to pick up an Impossible burger, an X-Large milkshake, and an X-Large fry after a long and dreadful day. The best response would be to thoughtfully say, “No, but I would love to take a walk with you to burn off some steam.”
Your friend is struggling with math and asks if they can copy your assignments. The best response would be to thoughtfully say, “No, but I would love to take time and show you how to solve the problems so that you can succeed in your own right.”
A close family friend always needs money because they don’t handle their money well, and they ask you for some money – even though you just gave them money the last three times. The best response would be to thoughtfully say, “No, but here is a book I read on personal finance that helped me manage my finances successfully.”
It takes boundaries to say no – especially to loved ones, because we often desire to help them, but that help often comes to their detriment. The more we help others, the less they can help themselves. Helping someone conduct an unhealthy behavior can enable them not to achieve their goals and make healthier decisions for their present and future.
There might be some uncomfortability at first when you say no, but it gets easier. Eventually, you feel stronger and more natural about declining the opportunity to enable others to make less healthy choices – even if the choice seems harmless.
This content is for informational purposes only — not professional advice. Consult a qualified professional before making any major decisions.