This piece is part of my 2016–2026 archive migration. Some original formatting, content, and external links may be missing, changed, or not be optimized.
The Chronicles of King Arrow – My 4Ib. Life
One brother was fine. We are besties, and he’s my homie. He gets on my nerves, and I yell at him daily. BUT he’s the perfect pillow, so he’s the perfect friend material – from a distance.
But then my dog owner got ANOTHER dog, and boy is she one loud b*tch. She’s mostly kool. I mean, I hooked up with her once, after my brother tried to; He failed miserably though. He didn’t even know how to utilize his machinery properly. Hate to say it, but she didn’t even accept him; he just doesn’t have my irresistible vibe.
My 4 Biggest Regrets
I didn’t count the cost of my actions,, though; now I got four kids, and honestly, I didn’t even go near them for the first 6 weeks. I was traumatized while she was giving birth to them; I had the shakes for weeks.
I’m not ready to be a dad, so I left the responsibility to my dog owner. I mean, that what’s she here for, right? To pay for my mistakes. I live a responsible-free life, and I can pretty much get away with anything because I’m one dope-ass 4-pound chihuahua. Plus, I’m the most travel-friendly dog you’ve ever seen or won’t see because I can literally hide anywhere. That’s right; I sit in my dog owner’s lap on plane rides because a crate under the seat just won’t do.
One Quick Tangent
It might seem like it, but I’m not self-centered. Okay? My family calls me King on their own accord – I didn’t tell them to call me that. I get on the center bed pillow every day and sit on my throne because it’s the only pillow on my dog owner’s bed (she really needs to quit all this minimalist bullsh*t).
I’m super confident, and I go after what I want. I’m well-trained, so I enjoy off-leash walks. And I never, I repeat, I never take for granted the privilege of taunting dogs bigger than me who have to walk with a leash; it brings pure joy to my miniature heart to pump fake dogs I know can kill me with one bite, but they don’t cause they’re on a leash!
stand still or lay down in my Egyptian pose (front legs crossed with poise). If I can’t eat a treat, I sit by it until my dog owner breaks it into little pieces for me. I deserve the best, and I won’t settle for less.
I’ll admit, I’ve even stolen my kids’ food. Look, I’m not proud of my actions, but I own up to them. I’m only canine; everyone has their flaws. At least, I admit my flaws. So, for all the judgemental people reading this, check yourself first. I bet you have loads of flaws that you don’t own up to. You think you’re perfect, but let me tell you: you’re not.
Back To My Primary Point
Anyways, I’m concerned about my dog owner. She’s been having conversations about keeping all four of my offspring, and honestly, it’s not sitting well with me. I’m not particularly eager to share anything, and now these kids are about to take up space in my perfect kingdom.
I’m at my limit. So, I’ve been retaliating by marking my dog owner’s favorite chairs; it’s my way of directly communicating with my dog owner that sh*t’s not okay anymore, and she better watch her step. If she doesn’t make the right decision, I’m doomed for life man. I can’t handle seeing my four biggest regrets daily. That’s some black mirror sh*t.
But maybe God will change my “calloused” heart (as my other dog owner calls it). I mean, the little b*stards are kind of cute, and they are almost potty trained at not even 8 weeks. But I don’t know man. It’s still unsettling.
She already has been planning for years to get her two dream dog: sibling Dobermans, and I know 100% she’s getting them. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this incoming transition that will eventually take place. This is just too many dogs man. Sigh. Send a prayer out for me.
Final Thoughts – I’m Innocent..Really
Remember, I’m just an innocent little boy navigating this big world. Spare the judgement. Let me rant, and give me a f*cking break. I sure do need one from all of these dogs in my house.
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